Ok, this is going to be a mixture of a rant, a confession and a plea for help.
If you have been reading my blog for very long (or you are related to me), I don't have to say very much about the continual struggles I have with Hannah at school.
Since moving to NC, those struggles have become much larger. For starters, she didn't learn all her times tables last year like they did down here so that puts her behind. Well, work on them in the evenings, you say. I would love to if I didn't have several hours of homework to do with each child already! And even if we weren't doing anything in the evenings, just learning the times tables is not easy for Hannah. I also feel like she makes so many careless mistakes that could be easily corrected if she would just take her time and try.
I wish she was smarter. Yes, it is hard on me but I want it more than anything for her. I hate to see the emotional pain she goes thru. This makes her feel so unworthy. I pray for God to help me accept her the way she is but it is very hard. I love her so much but she doesn't make life easy for me! Please tell me I'm not the only one who has gone thru this!
Then I go back to her ADD. I have never been more sure about a diagnosis than I am about this. But it only comes out when she is struggling with something. SO then I second guess myself. She has done fine without the meds and I don't think we will ever put her back on it but sometimes I just think there is no other way to get her thru school. I have already had thought of holding her back again.
I just don't get how she can be at school for 8 hours and come home and still not know how to do long division or whatever they are working on and have hours of homework. Same goes for Ryan. Sometimes he has more homework than Hannah.
Which has put homeschooling back on my mind lately. I'm not sure where I stand with it now. I went thru a phase when Hannah first started having trouble at school. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be the wrong choice. I can't figure out if I don't believe in myself enough, especially since my kids have already been in school a long time and like it. What if they don't like being stuck at home all the time? Maybe I am not trusting God enough to help me. I just can't make myself take the leap. What if I'm not smart enough to teach my kids? Especially as they get older.
Just tonight Hannah brought home a sheet with about 18 long division problems on it. She did them fairly quickly but every one except one was wrong when I went back and checked them. While I was fixing supper she tested Ryan on his spelling words. Hannah forgot her planner at school so she didn't have her words to practice. After we ate, we sat down to do the math together. She immediately started sassing me and writing sloppy on purpose and generally not having a good attitude. We did a couple with her storming off crying a few times. I told Ryan to get in the shower because we hadn't even started his homework and I wanted him to be ready when I was ready. Well, by the time he was done, Hannah couldn't do anymore math. We had only done two. She was just staring at her paper, not knowing what to do first after having already done them all once and the first two again. Her brain was fried. I told her to get in the shower and go to bed and I would wake her up early in the morning to do them before school. She didn't like that idea, of course. So Ryan and I started his homework. We finished his math and Hannah finished in the shower. Gave me a hard time about going to bed. I threatened a few things and she finally went to her room while Ryan, Abby and I read.
By this time it was 8 and I went ahead and put Ryan and Abby in bed too. No one came out of the rooms. That is unusual but I'm so glad! Pray that Hannah gets a good nights sleep and is ready for math at 6am!!
